Sunday, August 23, 2009

Wizards


When it comes time to drop each of my kids off at school for the first time, I am going to say where some of their new classmates can hear me, "And remember: no using magic at school." That way, their friends will think they might be wizards or witches attempting to live normal lives among normal people. They will always be watching my kids closely and try to figure out if they are using magic. The classmates will also be slightly afraid of my kids. I think that would add some zest to their school careers.

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Rats


Companies always test products on rats to see if the products are toxic. If the thing makes the rats hair fall out or gives them cancer, then the product is not going to make it to the human market. I think a pretty interesting side effect of this is that if humans go through a mass extinction due to some new food or perfume that is deadly to humans but was safe for rats, the rats will still be able to eat our dead bodies with no ill effect. Because after all, we never put anything in our bodies that would hurt a rat. While it might kill vultures or ants or the other things that normally scavenge on dead meat, the rats won't even lose hair or develop skin rashes from the poison. I'll bet rats get really excited by this possibility. Patience, rats, patience.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

Body of Water


There are some things touted as facts that simply aren't true. One is the lie that the human body is 70-80% water. No it's not. It is mostly bones, blood, organs, and all that gross stuff. You are not going to split me open and find a huge reservoir of water. Come on you bunch of sheep, stop believing everything you read!