Saturday, April 28, 2007

Life Intstructions

Work like you don't need the money,
Love like you've never been hurt,
And dance like no one's watching.
Also, fart like no one is smelling.

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Horsepower

Horsepower is supposed to be like the power of one horse. I am guessing it is the average power of a large pool of horses tested or something like that. That would mean that some horses can pull more than 1 horsepower, and some can't. Within the horse community, I imagine it is pretty embarrassing for a horse if he can't provide 1 horsepower. I mean, it's a horse! Of all things, you would think he would be the one who could give you one measly horsepower. What a loser!

In a related story, riding a cowboy does not actually in any way save a horse. Don't believe everything you hear.

Friday, April 20, 2007

When Warmth Is Bad

As much as it might sting to sit on a cold toilet seat, you really don't want to sit on a particularly warm one in a public restroom. There is just something gross about following someone else's act that soon.

Wednesday, April 04, 2007

Sam's Samples

One time I went to Sam's Club, and I made my way to the back to check out the free samples. If you have ever been to Sam's and you are not my wife, then you know that these free sample eating at Sam's is just one of life's great treats that should not be missed. But I get there, and every single sample station is unmanned! I kepts searching frantically, but nothing! I started to lose it a little bit, and I headed to the back corner for one last shot. If there was nothing in the back corner, then I was about to start chunking the twelve gallon jugs of peanut butter at the workers and dropping the 48 bottle packs of IBC Root Beer on people's heads. Unbelievably, they did have one booth set up. It was mini corn dogs. I ate one and it was not very good, but it was a free sample, and that itch in my mind had been scratched. A disaster was avoided, but it was a close one.