Free Candy

Were you disappointed when you realized the snack machine has a contraption that keeps you from stealing candy? Yeah, me too. You look in that window and you don't see anything stopping you from getting all that candy. Then you push open the door and it all closes up. One minute, you think you just figured out how to get free candy, and then the next minute you were back to asking your mom for some change. And of course she says, "No, you've had enough candy today. You'll rot your teeth or get a tummy ache." Come on, mom!

Regibald The Handless

At work, sometimes we have an "All Hands Meeting." These meetings are a bit of a slap to the face to Regibald, my no-handed coworker. He lost his hands in an unfortunate accident at a lawn mower hugging competition. So is Regibald not invited since he doesn't have any hands? He doesn't feel invited. He just cries, and I don't blame him. But I still make fun of him for crying, because that is what you should do to men who cry about stuff, even if they don't have any arms and have a good reason to cry.