Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Take This Tag

At college, you always see these homemade ads people put up where they want to sell a puppy or get a subleaser or buy a kidney or this or that. They make the bottom of the page just a bunch of precut tags with a contact number on it, so that you just pull the tag and call them later when you get some time. I have found that a good way to give someone false hope is to tear off all the tags. They think to themselves, "Awesome! Look at how many are gone! Surely I will get some calls tonight and get a deal done! Cha ching!" Then, nothing but silence as they sit by the phone all night.

Sunday, February 25, 2007

The Re-Quartering Fairy

One time I was downtown, and I parked at a meter and only put money in for an hour. Eating lunch and whatnot ended up taking more than an hour, and I was quite worried when I walked back to my car. I have spent a good deal of money on downtown parking tickets. Those meter maids are quite the vultures. By the way, if it is a dude, do you still call him a mater maid? I think I would prefer to be called a meter butler. Nonetheless, when I got to my car, the meter was actually up to an hour and a half! I didn't do this! It must be some kind of do-gooder out there. That guy or gal is awesome.

I have actually thought about being the Re-Quartering Fairy before, but never really had the funds or guts to go through with it. It would be fun to foil the meter maids and butlers for a day, going around putting quarters in nearly expired meters ahead of the evildoers so that they can't give out any tickets. They would hate that so much! Well, someone actually did it for me, and it totally made my day. Of course, it was actually probably just the person next to me putting money in the wrong meter, and that person more than likely ended up with a parking ticket. I like to believe it was the Re-Quartering Fairy, though, because it makes me feel good. And I think the Re-Quartering Fairy wears a mask, a utility belt, a cape, and green and purple tights with the letters "RQF" drawn in pink over a rainbow on his chest, because that is the sort of things superheros wear, and the Re-Quartering Fairy is a super hero in my mind.

Friday, February 16, 2007

Simply The Worst

The most annoying thing is that line on your socks being to the side or on the bottom of your foot. That thing goes on top, man.

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Under Siege

When I was shopping over Christmas, I saw that different stars' movie collections were being sold in the DVD section, such as Clint Eastwood and Elizabeth Taylor collections. They were packed with five or six of the best movies of each actor. Well, next to some of the other collections, there was the Steven Seagal Collection. Wow. Does anyone really need more than one Steven Seagal movie? Even just one of his movies might be pushing it. But if you do have the one, are the others really all that different? It's a guy who is supposed to be awesome at fighting but moves relatively slowly, he is attacked by a bunch of henchmen with limited martial arts skills (albeit one guy at a time), and he saves a chick or something, and he displays acting skills that normally wouldn't land a kid a supporting role in a middle school play. They gave this guy his own "collection"? Are you kidding me? You are going to buy all six of his "best" movies? Who are you?!! Your brain should be studied in an institution when you die to figure out what went wrong. I can't believe you just bought the Best of Seagal.

Wednesday, February 07, 2007

About Me - Car Cuisine

I like to eat messy foods such as barbecue ribs and steamed crab legs with that butter dip stuff while driving, just to prove I can.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Enterprise

Have you ever seen those Enterprise Rent-A-Car commercials? They always end with some nice, peaceful music, and some dude saying "Enterprise: We'll pick you up." While the dude is saying this, there is a car wrapped up in paper driving around some beautiful scenery. What you don't see, however, is the rest of the story. Since you can't see through paper, the dude driving the car was basically blind. Right after the shot they use on the commercial, the dude drives right off the side of a 400 foot ledge. He had expressed concern earlier in the day about driving in a car whose front windshield was covered up, but he figured the money was good (better than what he was making as a quality control officer at the local Huddle House, and not quite as dangerous either), and he could probably remember when to turn right and left.

The going theory, though, is that if you are going to die falling off a cliff in a car, it is best to do it in an Enterprise wrapped up car, because then you don't know exactly when you are going to hit. I disagree with that theory. I think I will like to know when I am going to hit. That is part of the fun. I guess that is why it is just the going theory and not the going fact.