Monday, November 27, 2006

Straight Walkin' Mike

People call me Straight Walkin' Mike. This is because I walk in straight lines everywhere, even if it means walking on grass instead of a sidewalk.

Saturday, November 18, 2006

Hollywood Love

I was watching Scrubs reruns a couple of weeks ago, and I realized why marriages never work in Hollywood. One character Turk says to his girlfriend Carla that old cliche about how she annoys him to no end, but he loves her so much. You see it all the time in movies and on TV, where the characters annoy and frustrate each other so much, but they also love each other so gall durn much that they just have to get together in the end and live happily ever after. The Hollywood crowd seems to think that if you aren't getting on each other's nerves, then you probably aren't in love. They are very confused about what a healthy relationship looks like. The rest of America knows that when someone gets on your nerves, instead of marrying them, you generally avoid them. I can't think of a friend of mine who has had the moronitude to try to stick through a relationship where the two people annoy each other all the time. I think if some people in Hollywood would read this, a lot of divorces down the road wouldn't happen. If they just realize that it's alright to marry someone you get along with and generally a bad idea to marry someone you don't get along with, their divorce rate wouldn't be 99.999 percent.

Monday, November 13, 2006

Mick E. Dees

A few weeks ago outside of the McDonald's in town, there was a sign that said, "McDonald's Salutes The Best Employees In America." I think I will let you all just enjoy that statement, because there really is no need for an added joke or explanation or anything like that.

Fine, just one joke: What's next, a strip club putting up a sign that says something like, "The Booby Trap Is Proud To Employ Only College Graduates," or perhaps Saturday Night Live with an advertisement that says, "We Only Hire Writers And Actors Who Are Funny."

Fine, two jokes: I hope it didn't take the "Best Employees In America" as long to put up that sign honoring themselves as it did to get me my Big Mac meal that same week. And for those counting, that would be 14 minutes.

Okay, I'm done.