Double Fines

Sometimes, something interesting happens. Such as seeing a "Double Fines Ended" sign come out of nowhere when you are driving. It happens to me from time to time. I see the sign and I have mixed feelings. On the one hand, yippee, double fines have ended! On the other hand, man, I didn't even know that double fines had begun! Where the heck was that first sign??!! Boy, that was a close one. Phew! Oh man, oh boy.

Simply The Best

Hands down, I think the greatest moment in T.V. history is when Steve Urkel visited the gang at Step by Step. TGIF really peaked at this point. I mean, Jaleel White with Patrick Duffy and Suzanne Summers? How many heavy hitters can you pack into just 30 minutes? Thank goodness Steve lost control of his homemade rocketeer jet pack, otherwise this might not have ever happened. And I ask you, what would the world be like then?

Inspiration Via Posters

One of the things I like about the job I have this summer is the new variety of posters with a message in the workplace. In a normal job, you have posters that say things like, "Diversity: Good For All Of Us," or "Sexual Harrassment Is Bad All The Time," or "If You Can Lean, You Can Clean." Well, since I am working on an Army Base, there are signs that discourage spying. I think that is pretty cool. One has a picture of handcuffs, and it says, "Espionage Is A Sure Bet: You Will Lose Everything." Another one has a picture of some dude behind bars, and it says "Espionage is crime that not only destroys your future... it destroys your past. Earl Pitts 1997. " Chilling.

Of course, I doubt that these posters actually make a difference. I don't know if some dude makes a deal with the Russians for millions of dollars to give them some high-tech info, and on the way out sees a sign saying espionage is bad, and then says to himself, "Well, crap. I know the money is good, but that poster is right. Espionage is naughty and shame on me for thinking about doing it." The guy would then put the stuff back and then go tell the General what he did and how he is sorry. The General would then probably tell him that he should be in big trouble, but he values the dude's honesty, so he would let it slide this time. After all, it seems that the dude already learned his lesson. Then the would-be spy would probably walk out and see the diversity poster that says "The Human Race: Different Strokes For Different Folks. Love Everybody." He would then go out and hug the first person of a different ethnicity that he sees. Then, that ethnic person would feel so loved that he would have to hug someone else, thus starting a love chain reaction that will bring the world to peace. You see, inspirational posters do work!

Befuddling Directions

Here is a good way to really confuse a guy. First, walk up to him. Then, slap him in the face and say, "That's for my mother!" Then punch him in the stomach and say, "That's for my sister!" Finally, drop kick him in the throat and say, "That's for Smokey the Gimp, you worthless dolt!" And then run away. But don't run away in a normal way, run like those college marching band leaders run out onto the football field, where you kick your legs up and lean way back.

About Me - My Rope Collection

I like to show people the ropes.

Things Learned In Dover

So the last two weeks, I was working in good old Dover, Delaware. I met a Canadian who said "eh"(is that how you spell that? Pronounced like the letter 'a' and used at the ends of sentences) and "aboot" (English=About). I only talked to him for aboot 2 minutes, and he said both of those totally cliche Canadianisms. He made me happy. I also realized that I have not actually met many Canadians. In fact, he is the only one I can think of. Kind of funny; they may be our neighbor to the North, but down south we just don't see them all that much.

Of course, the World Cup has also been going on the last two weeks. And like always, I enjoy watching it, but I am reminded why that sport will never really capture my heart. The thing that bothers me aboot it is that every time someone is fouled or knocked over or whatever, they stay on the ground and writhe in pain. It drives me crazy. Then, after the penalty is called, they get up, shake their head like they are trying to get the cobwebs out, and then they are fine. It reminds me of professional wrestling more than anything else. I was watching the final today, and this guy barely got tapped, and there he was on the grown, kicking and screaming. Literally, he was holding his head and screaming, while kicking the ground like a two year old who didn't get his way. What's wrong with their dad's? Did they not teach their boys that they are wusses if they show pain? My dad would say "Suck it up." Soccer players' fathers say, "Milk that for all it's worth, even if you aren't hurt, because you will get attention." What a bunch of pansies. I'll bet they all cried in Titanic, too.

Two Weeks Notice (Continued)

...the last post is a cliffhanger.